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I'm looking for what is right in front of me.

I already have what I seek.

I just cannot see it because my ego is blind.

I don't have any needs.

I don't have any major mission. No major life goal.

My life now is to be.

My desires to be a Rock Star, gone.

My desires for fame, gone.

My desires to prove myself, gone.

My desires of being an artist, gone.

My desires of being a known programmer or computer person, gone.

My desires of hiding my true self, gone.

---

   I will not hide anymore.
   I must be free.
   Open up and let me be.

---

I am the light.

I am the universe.

I can feel this moment.

I can feel this freedom.

I am perfect. This life is perfect.

I'm here for the universe to know itself, and yet I don't fully know myself...

What does that say about the universe? Does it not know itself fully, either?

Of course I'm having trouble looking into myself, the universe has it's own hard work playing out through me!

My say, A paradox?

---


aug 25th 2019

Of course greed is so greedy that he needs to even take credit for gluttony's and sloths work. Gluttony and sloth of
course couldn't be bothered with chasing for credit for gluttony is too busy looking for it's next thing to consume and
sloth is too lazy to chase anything at all.

Greed however will gladly take credit for the result of his siblings vices.

Greed will take the praise and awe. Greed will take your money. Greed will take your time. 

But out of it all, Greed _needs_ your attention.

Greed cannot take from those who pay him no attention. He is absolutely nullified without your attention.

Feed him a little and the cracks of the other vices shine into you.

If you do not use greed's lens in your life, you will not have any of the problems that greed causes.

Greed will have your attention when you look at him, and from their your time, energy, money, and life. He will steal 
your life force and cause you to ignore others, which in turn steals their life force as well!

Greed is a vampire.

Greed is a parasite.

If you let Greed consume you, he will force you to consume your loved ones in trade to pursue riches.

Greed consumes you, you consume your loved ones, as you pursue Greed.

And thus Greed will take all from you if you let him.

You gain all of Greed's virtue without any of his vice by not giving him your attention or life force to begin with!

Easier said than done, yes.

Just remember to share your surpluses in your life and your time and life energy will increase exponentially!


---


I just smoked and mowed the lawn real quick right before egg taco dinner.

Animals or Insects, life, if it is feeling attacked, or attacking. both on the attach, or on the defence.

They will attack the closest potentially vital point on the body.

If you are running away and your ancle is exposed and the closest, it will be bit.

a house cat will run away in fear of the chase, but will try to turn around to stop the chase as soon as it can.


---


lame.


---


God, he is so fucking dumb. Selfish. We have to keep you dosile? What? WTF... Just drive me. I'm not driving you anywhere.

That was a large pour, I would have poured it for you.

Stingy son-of-a-bitch.

This is our contribution, we bring the bar.

God damn, you stingy son-of-a-bitch.

You father and mother take such great care of you and you feel the need to raition his pour of alchohol? My god...

That is so fucking dumb.

You stingy self-ish loser. You will forever be a failure with that "lack" attitude.

Dumb, dumb, dumb. Talks about seeing a specific brand of drink as if it's a person. "I'll see him this weekend".


---


The 24 hour news cycle means at any time during this labor day weekend camp out, but especially after dinner, you will get the 
honer to learn about an active shooter in another state over, 1 killed, 1 injured.

The media broadcasts the fear for desert!

They control our moods and emotions by strategical placed story coverage.

And with that control they may nudge our behavoirs ever so slightly, a bit more each day.

Just enough for the purpose, but not enough to cause alarm or irrational behavior.

Each day a bit more dose. A bit more, until they are fully absorbed and almost completely controlled.

Television was a really great mind control device, lasted a very long time.

But now we have a paradymn shift.

Now the biggest puppet master is Facebook and Twitter.

There is a power struggle going between 24 hour news coverage and "Social News Media".

---

Fire is Greed. Fire takes anything you leave before him. No girl. You may not try to take the stick back from the fire.

Once you hand greed something, he will make it his.

You can get it back, but not the way you think.  Greed is only one direction, and if you get 
caught on the wrong side of fate, you will end up loosing something. You mess up trying greed. And now you are a sucker.

In order to get what you lost back, you will have to get it a different way, a way without greed.

---

Children of 1-3 will run around and get into anything they can. They do this often with the intention that you as a parent will stop what you are doing, run over to stop them and explain what something is, and how it works.

They love this shit. It is their very favorite game that you unkowningly play with them!!!

LOL

"Not paying me attention?" oh yeah, "would I have your attention if I draw with my crayons on the wall?"

Is that combination allowed?

Yes/No?

Can I do X?

Can I do Y?

~goes off and does Z without asking~

This is a game to see if a parent is willing to allow the child to explore, or if the parent will ignore,
or if the parent will engage and interact, or if the parent will engage but prohibit.

After all, this is the job of the child to run through all the iterations, to see how the pieces for together in their shares reality.

Children do this to learn about their parents fears and smarts.

What better way does a child have to prompt a parent that they are ready to learn.

As a parent you are their most important teacher!

So they tinker and they fidget and the wiggle and crawl and they pick apart and break things in their reach. It is their job after all!

They are looking for your attention, and if they don't get it, they use this quiet time as their own "explority center".

They might become a bookworm and spend their quiet time reading about harry potter.

They might become an artist who colors murals at age 4.

You let them explore on their own, and then as a parent if you see something they might have the chance to specialize in, you can focus your own abilities and knowledge to help guide the child in that direction.

In a way, you as a father and mother have already provided this new person with his or her genes, but bit now it is also up to you to figure out how many of your emotions, fears, dreams, ambitions, or desires that you want to transfer into your child.

How much of your history and story you want to share into them and how much to let go, and be forgotten in the generations to come.

With multiple children you have the multiple chances to travel deeply into with each into specialty.

Can you manage to grow 3 children into the most happy, most positive, and best most satisfied version of themselves?

A better version of yourself?

More compationate, more thoughtful, more grateful?

More successful?

---

Ego survival bias: 

I want my children to survive so that the memory of my ego will survive.

And because I want them to survive, I will always have a bias for them.

I want my memory, my flashes of experience, preserved in any way that I can.

And for what? Who has time to really know a person? Does knowing someone help you know yourself?

Why do we allow certain people to be well known to the masses in a superfical way?

It seems like a whole lot of people are giving away thier families history to the milely ciruses of the world.

They steal both human bandwidth and storage for thier own memes and memories.


---

I vow to teach my kids about the best parts of what I know. I will leave out anything superfulous.

* I will not hellacopter, but I will _ALWAYS_ make myself available for interuption.
  This allow the child to explore on thier own, and get help at the very moment they
  have stretched themselves too thin in their understanding. At that very point, you help them,
  and at that point they will have a break through in their understanding.

* I vow to explain what im doing for the 4th time this week (shaving). It doesn't matter if they ask you 1 time of a million.
  They asked you! Give them an answer and if they don't understand, take the time to explain it another way, you dope!
  It's not their fault they don't understand, it's your fault for not explaining it at their level.
  You will be suprised just how much a child can understand, when you talk to him like a man.

---


When you don't turn off the television, when you don't turn off the radio, you are basically saying my life is not worth the memories,
I would rather spend it watching someone else who is living a life for me.

fuck no, grab life by the balls and be in the NOW so you may actually remember it@!!!!!!!!


---


Ok, he is about to light them, and we are GOOOD!

Hooray!


I'm hiding behind my thoughts.

I'm introverted.

and so in order to hide in my thoughts when what I really want to do is jump into every conversation. instead I just jump into a 
conversation with myself. and I still just the cribnotes onto paper so that I may remember it the next day.

A moment of clarity helps me step just that much closer into understanding what makes me tic.


---


It is not a mistake when your intention does not yield your desired outcome. You are simply exploring possibilties.


---


When to explore and when to exploit.


---

The only way to steal a person's identity, is to be there when they started. 

(if you are with them while they learn how to write, you can sway their tone enough make them appear like you!)

from there you can easily write as them in the future.

---

My ego gets going and my self watches the thoughts fly by.

---

Thoughts and prayers.

I just want you to know that I feel for your loss because I'm taking time away from my own life to think 
about your life situation and praying that I never find myself in your life situation.

---

At work, I'm paid for my thoughts, not for my skill... I'm a human AI, a sofisticated mechanical turk.

I don't produce anything ... just entrophy... Whether it's a chat message or a click of a button, all I do is flip some bits on an Internet of computers...

My hands produce nothing of real value... A website? An App? An API? A search request? An Email?

None if it really matters, and yet I'm "paid" using a slow network called Money to do these tasks.

I do these tasks all day, and night, instead of fighting for my survival to find food and keep shelter,
I sit on a bed instead pushing keys on a backlite laptop keybord. The bit's I'm flipping for who?

Who am I flipping bits for? Myself? Some greater purpose or meaning that I cannot see from my vantage point?

---

Scary Netflix Original

Dream Kira

SK = Serial Killer's name

So the idea is basically a SK starts seeing a psychologist for the hell of it.

he's the type who lays on his back and talk with his eyes closed.

Episode 1: SK is shown walking to the psychologist.
           SK explains to the Dr. that he is having nightmares, terrible nightmares.

Episode 2: SK is shown walking to the psychologist.
           SK talks more about his bad dreams, some murder sequences appear visually when talking about the dream.

Episode 3: SK is shown walking to the psychologist.
           SK tells the DR. he has been having hilarious thoughts. 
           For example: wouldn't it be funny if a Serial Killer started visiting a psychologist,
           and the psychologist doesn't know he kills people 
           so he kills like 9 times before resolving to kill the psychologist.

           psychologist laughs at the joke but internally he finds it disturbing and alarming.

Episode 4: SK is show killing a woman.
           SK is then show going to bed.
           SK is then show waking up at 9:00am to visit his psychologist.
           SK is shown walking to the psychologist.
           SK talks about his odd dream last night.

Episode 5 SK is show killing a woman.
           SK is then show going to bed.
           SK is then show waking up at 9:00am to visit his psychologist.
           SK is shown walking to the psychologist.
           SK talks about another odd dream last night.

Episode 6: SK kills another woman
           SK is shown walking to the psychologist.
           SK has blood drops on his shirt
           SK starts rambling on and on about lately he finds very strange connections between ideas.
           psychologist notices blood and is alarmed and conserned so he 
           figures out a way to bump into his patent (SK) on his way out of the door. 
           SK is shown leaving and the psychologist is shown with a napkin with a dab of blood on it.

Episode 7: SK kills another woman

           SK is shown walking to the psychologist.
           The building is closed.
           SK breaks into the office of the psychologist
           SK grabs his own file.
           SK learns what the psychologist has wrote in his notebook about him.
       
           SK leaves office

Episode 8: SK kills a man and a woman together.
           SK goes to psychologist again
           SK makes it known that he knows that the psychologist knows who he really is.
           SK kills the psychologist in cold blood. SK takes all the files and notebooks related to his case.
           SK walks out of the door.

           Fade to credits.
           

psychologist



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